


Save me from my misery

by Idk34



Category: 9-1-1 (TV), Chicago Fire, Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Drug Addiction, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Post-Lawsuit (9-1-1 TV), drug abuse/addiction, there are more characters that haven’t been tagged
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:49:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26491435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idk34/pseuds/Idk34
Summary: Evan does something stupid-well almost...kinda. He’s saved by his sister- but not the one you think.
Comments: 33
Kudos: 206





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Goodbye, Hello](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23702974) by [BuckyAndDanno](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuckyAndDanno/pseuds/BuckyAndDanno). 



> I only just started watching Chicago fire so this takes place during season 1 of Chicago fire and post-lawsuit for 911

The call had gone wrong. I mean of course it did. It always does when you need it to go right. The roof had collapsed right under Kelly’s feet. That’s not even the worst part. Kelly couldn’t move. As in this is because of his stupid neck injury he hid for months and now he can’t move.

Leslie Shay thought that Kelly was an idiot and she sure was gonna tell him. Just maybe when he can move again, if he can ever move again.

She and Dawson now had to treat him and this wasn’t gonna be fun. They knew exactly what injury Kelly has and know exactly what he’s taking. 

Explaining this to Boden is not going to fun.

Shay thought that having Kelly paralysed-temporarily or not was the worse part. Turns out it definitely can get worse.  
Casey and Millis had gotten Kelly out of the hole, which could’ve made his injury worse considering they didn’t have the time to do it without injuring him because of the fire.

Kelly was on the spinal bored and Dawson had just finished putting a C-collar on him and was now starting to measure his heart rate, while Shay was measuring his blood pressure. They were both listing things that it was impossible for them to know without being in a hospital.

For example they named specifically what painkillers he was using.  
They were getting suspicious looks from the team that was gathered around them.

Not even that was what was wrong. There was a commotion over at the police tape. Boden was there. Trying to stop a reporter from broadcasting live?

“Oh shit!” Shay exclaimed aloud. Receiving strange looks from everyone 

Kelly seemed to have caught on even though he was barely conscious.  
Shay was looking towards Kelly and up at Bowden. A silent debate of who needs her more.  
“Go.” He said in a raspy voice grabbing her arm as she went to move. “Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid. He’s al’dy had such a hard time.” His voice was getting weaker as he spoke. He spoke in a whisper, “‘don’t let him do it again.” 

Shay took less than a moment to observe Kelly. To be honest, he looked like shit. Dark patches under his eyes, ruffled hair, mixed with sweat and dirt. Tears running down his face. 

She didn’t take any longer to observe him and in her full turnout gear, she sprinted back to the station. She could tell the moment Kelly blacked out when all commotion behind her started.

She felt tears dripping down her face as she ran and was thankful that the station wasn’t very far, she could get there in 5 minutes.

When she got to the station she didn’t bother to change out of her turnout gear. She ran straight to her car and put her foot on the pedal. 

As she drove she felt more tears fall. She might lose two brothers and she’s not sure she could handle that.

~#~#~#~#~

Boden held his head in his hands as he walked towards his team. He was gonna have to be the one to explain why Shay ran off and who he was talking about. “One at a time,” was the only this he said once reaching the group, trusting that they would know what he meant.

“I have one.” Casey said angerly. “Where the fuck did Shay go and what on earth was Severide on about.”

Boden let out a long exhale. This was going to be a long day.

~#~#~#~#~

The flight to the LAX was roughly 4hours. She was on a private jet, courtesy of some rich guy who owed her a favour. She somehow managed to get the pilot to speed up the flight time.

She was in LA 2 and a half hours after the call. Many thoughts ran through her head. The main one being, What if she was too late?

Shay couldn’t think like that though. She needed to be strong for him. 

She ran as fast as she could to the taxi bay. Getting into one she may or may not have bribed the driver to break a few laws to get her to the station ASAP.

The drive was was 45minutes reduced to 15. She payed the driver $400, he had hazardously parked, half in the garage of the fire house. 

Shay was worried. She was anxious. She couldn’t lose her little brother. They may not be blood related but they were siblings in every way that counted.

She frantically got out of the taxi and slammed the door bidding the taxi driver a Thankyou and Goodbye. She immediately started screaming “Severide,” she will later, definitely deny her panic.

It also maybe wasn’t the best idea to still be wearing her turnout wear to a LA fire station, but in her panic he she wasn’t worried about that. At all.

She screamed “Severide” a few time’s before someone came out to her.  
“Can I help you ma’am?”

“I’m looking for Severide.” She replied calmly.

“I’m sorry, but there’s no one with that name at this station.”

“Yes there is, his name is Evan Severide.” Shay glared at him.

“Once again ma’am, no one here has that name, would you like me to try find him.”

“Uhh,” Shay racked her mind. What was the other name he used? She thought.

“Buckley. Evan Buckley.” She said in triumph. The mans eyes turned cold.  
“Where is Evan Buckley?” She said with a stern voice.

The man glared at her and turned around, his shirt said Diaz in it. Huh she thought. So this is the dick that broke my little brother’s heart.

“Don’t know, don’t care.” He replied coldly.  
Shay glared at his back, he didn’t deserve Severide Jr, as she thought of somewhere you would go for privacy. 

“Think, think, think.” She murmured to herself. Bathroom, she thought. She saw a door towards the back of the station by what looked like a locker room, which by the way definitely did not meet LAFD regulations being glass, the door looked like it could be the bathroom, it did not have any indications it could be the bathroom either. She was definitely going to be reporting this.

She ran to the door pushing it open. “Severide!” She called as she opened the door. The sight made her heart break. Evan was standing there, with a bottle of pills in his hand and a half dozen resting in his other palm. That’s not the part that made her so upset. It was his appearance.

He was so skinny. Skinnier than he was the last time she had seen him, he still had muscle but it was clear he wasn’t eating. His eyes, were red rimmed and glassy, yet devoid of emotion.

Fuck. She thought. He had definitely already taken some of the pills. She continued observing him.

He was pale and his cheeks were hollow. His hair was messy and it looked like he hadn’t slept for weeks.

Something else caught her attention. He shoulder. The one holding the pill bottle, was definitely not in place. It was noticeably dislocated. 

Shay frowned. How had no one noticed that his shoulder was dislocated. She knew that the team didn’t care for him but she didn’t think it was this bad that they would ignore his injuries.

Evan looked towards her. “Put the pills down Sev Jr. Please.”

“Why am I still here.” He said without emotion . “Why doesn’t anyone love me.”

“I love you. Kelly loves you. Boden loves you. If you met the rest of the team, they’ll love you too.” Shay replies.

“Then why is Kel going to leave.” Evan said, voice waviering. 

“He’s not. He cares for you. He’s going to fight to come back to you. He always will always try his hardest to get back to YOU. The same goes for me too.”

Evan seemed to be fighting voices in his head. “Even after last time?” He whispered insecurely.

Shay frowned. “Especially after last time. We love you. Come back to me Sev.”

The pills fell from his hands and he walked over to Shay. She wrapped her arms around him carefully, trying to avoid hurting his shoulder more.

“We love you Lieutenant Evan Severide.” At that sentence he broke. He bust into tears and buried his head into her shoulder. Shay stood there patiently letting him take his time, murmuring comforting words into his ear.

After around half an hour Shay spoke, “My legs are too old for this how about we sit down and put your shoulder back into place.”

Evan Nodded and sat on the bench. Also something she was going to have to complain about, I mean why are there benches in the restroom.

She easily slid his shoulder back into place. He didn’t even say a word, or scream. She frowned once more as she bandaged his arm with the bandages she keeps in her pockets, and put a sling in his arm.

“Go talk to you Captain Baby Sev.” Shay said.

Evan gave a mini laugh and nodded but there was a look of fear in his eyes. “Can you- can you maybe come with me.”

That was a cause for concern. No one should be scared of their captain.  
“Of course, but can I meet you up there in minute. I’m going to quickly get updates on Kelly. Is that alright.”

“Yea- yea no it’s fine.” He said nervously leaving the room.

She hadn’t even gotten her phone from her pocket when she figured out the reason Evan was scared of the Captain. The yelling was enough of an indication.

“WHAT WERE YOU DOING?! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN THESE PAST FEW HOURS!?! GET BACK TO YOUR CHORES NOW!!!”

Baby Sev was shying away from the Captain when she reached the loft. Shay frowned, this wasn’t the Evan she knows.

He was slowly inching towards Tylenol someone had left on the counter. So it was that bad. Shay made up her mind and she doesn’t care is Evan likes it or not.

“Get away from the pills Lieutenant,” Shay growled towards Evan.

She than turned towards the Captain. “What kind of Captain are you?” She asked rhetorically. “You’re a disappointment. One of your fire fighters is AFRIAD of you. He’s clearly injured and you want him to go back to doing chores?” The captain seemed to look a little guilty, she wasn’t buying that, he just wanted her to go easy on him. Not. Happening. “As far as I know, he’s been mistreated here. He’s been bullied. As I know for a fact he isn’t allowed in calls. So how the hell did he have a dislocated arm! Not to mention the fact there are so many violations of this place, which I will be mentioning to LAFD.” Shay took a deep breath.  
“Don’t expect Severide back.” She said pointing towards Evan. “He’s not coming back. Not now, not ever, unless he chooses to on his own free will.”

She shakes her head and says softer to Evan. “Go grab you stuff from your locker Sev. We’re leaving.”

Evan didn’t complain, that was new. And Shay definitely did not like it.

She ignored the questioning looks she got as she left. This is where she regrets not removing her turnout gear, that has her name and Chicago on the back.

She blames her self that they found him. That’s something she will never forgive herself for.


	2. Chapter 2

Eddie was the first to notice the person in full firefighter gear in the fire house. She seemed distraught and was screaming for someone? Concussion maybe. She was definitely confused, that much he was certain.

Eddie decided to approach this carefully.  
“Can I help you ma’am?”

“I’m looking for Severide.” She replied calmly.

“I’m sorry, but there’s no one with that name at this station.” Right? He didn’t know anyone with the name Severide, that he could recall.

“Yes there is, his name is Evan Severide.” She glared at him. She looked mad. Was she high? Does she think she’s a firefighter looking for a son or something?

“Once again ma’am, no one here has that name, would you like me to try find him.”

“Uhh,” The woman seemed to be thinking.

“Buckley. Evan Buckley.” She said with slight triumph. 

Evan Buckley, Eddie thought. Why the fuck was she looking for Buckley? 

“Where is Evan Buckley?” She said with a stern voice.

If she wants to associate herself with the traitor he wasn’t going to help her. Although a small part of him wanted to help her, he’s been... off lately.

“Don’t know, Don’t care.” He replied coldly and walked towards the stairs, leaving the stranger to look for him herself.

~#~#~#~#~  
Buckley had finally emerged from who knows where. Eddie kinda felt bad for Buck he may have been a traitor but he didn’t think he deserved this. He had emerged and he had a sling on his shoulder and he was clearly injured and Bobby was screaming at him.

“WHAT WERE YOU DOING?! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN THESE PAST FEW HOURS!?! GET BACK TO YOUR CHORES

Eddie was quietly observing Buck from his place on the couch. He was slowly inching towards Tylenol someone had left on the counter. Eddie frowned.

“Get away from the pills Lieutenant,” The woman had returned and growled towards Buckley.

She than turned towards Bobby “What kind of Captain are you?” She asked rhetorically. “Your a disappointment. One of your fire fighters is AFRIAD of you. He’s clearly injured and you want him to go back to doing chores?” Bobby looked a little guilty. “As far as I know, he’s been mistreated here. He’s been bullied. As I know for a fact he isn’t allowed in calls. So how the hell did he have a dislocated arm! Not to mention the fact there are so many violations of this place, which I will be mentioning to LAFD.” She took a deep breath.

“Don’t expect Severide back.” She said pointing towards Buck. “He’s not coming back. Not now, not ever, unless he chooses to on his own free will.”

She shakes her head and says softer to Buck. “Go grab you stuff from your locker Sev. We’re leaving.”

Everyone just looked at her questioning when her and Buck walked towards the locker room, no doubt to collect his belongings. Part of Eddie wanted to go down there, get his friend back-his love back. But he was stubborn. He never was good at speaking about his feelings. 

Part of him knew it was too late. So he just sulked on the couch, glaring at the wall. Hoping to come across as he always did these days. Angry. Hurt. 

He spared a glance towards the rest on the 118. Hen was crying, Chim was unreadable and Bobby looked....shocked?

The 118 sat there just thinking of how badly they messed up.

~#~#~#~#~

Shay has told Evan to meet her in his car, she would take care of his locker. It take very long, she had it cleaned out within 5 minutes. Thank god for that because she really did not want to be in that station any longer than necessary.

On her way out she was being ignored by everyone which was not a bad thing in her mind. She’s also pretty sure they are scared of her. Shay scoffed to herself silently. If they really think that she’s scary, they haven’t seen the rest of the 51.

She was almost home free of that place when she ran into Maddie. Maddie, who would know exactly why Shay was here. 

There was no way in HELL Maddie was going to be forgiven for this. It was guaranteed Maddie knew about this. If she did a better job at being a sister, maybe they wouldn’t be here. Sure there would be issues, but they wouldn’t be this bad. 

Evan has Kelly as well, but Kelly was doing his best, he lived in a different city for Gods state. He was dealing with his own issues. At least Kelly tried more. He called more, as much as Evan would allow. Evan has pushed Kelly and his old team in Chicago away, as well her herself after.... well, she wasn’t ready to talk about that.

They still, all at least tried more then Maddie. Maddie hadn’t talked to her brother since before the lawsuit. A lawsuit that was well within Evan’s rights.

The two crossed paths. They stopped in front of each other, both with glares on their faces, having a silent conversation with their eyes.

‘Why are you here.’

‘We both know why I’m here.’

‘He doesn’t need you. He has me, he has this station.’

‘Excuse me?’ Shay raised one eyebrow.

“You heard me.” She replied aloud.

“What do you mean he has you!” Shay burst, “You know exactly what he’s been through and YOU were meant to be there for him! He hadn’t heard from you since before this whole mess! YOU had an agreement with Kelly that YOU would look after him in LA! YOU don’t look like you went through with that, LOOK WHERE WE ARE MADDIE!”

Shay took a breath, she was kinda getting exhausted from screaming at everyone, but they needed to be put in there place, and at the moment she didn’t give a fuck if she said anything about Evan she shouldn’t. Maddie was going to tell them anyway. “You know he has issues! If YOU were there you would know that he was-IS struggling. If any of you cared you would know he’s high off his ass right now!”

With that she began to continue her walk out of the station. She took a few steps then turned around. “You wanna know why he’s high right now?” Shay said in a deadly calm voice. “Kelly’s in the hospital, oh and don’t even think about coming.” 

Shay didn’t wait for Maddie to reply. She walked out of the station without looking back.


	3. Chapter 3

He was fed up. Everyone was fed up. They had been sitting in the waiting area for hours. Litterly hours. 9 hours. Not that he was counting.

The doctors wouldn’t tell them shit because they weren’t his emergency contact. Not like that’s stopped the doctors before. Not getting information was killing him as well as everyone else.

9 hours. It had been 9 hours and whoever the fuck Severide’s emergency contact was still hadn’t shown up. Matt had always assumed it was Shay but apparently not. Either way Shay wasn’t fucking here. Shouldn’t she be here for her Best friend?

9 fucking hours and he didn’t even know is Kelly was dead or alive. 

He was beyond frustrated. And confused. Hella confused when not even 2 minutes later Shay walked in, with a male. 

He looked to be in his mid to late 20’s. He had muscle on him but he looked as though he hadn’t been eating. Something he wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t seen the signs plenty of times before. He also had a sling on his left arm. 

Matt watched as Shay and the newcomer when up to the reception desk. 

The newcomer started speaking nervously, with Shay holding his hand, “I, umm, my names-uh Evan Severide. I’m uh, the emergency contact of K-Kelly Severide.”

Evan Severide? Kelly was married? Or was he a cousin or something. Maybe a half brother? Matt knew Kelly had many  
Half-Siblings but as far as he knew Kelly didn’t have any full siblings. And none of his half-siblings took Bennys last name either. So that was confusing.

The doctor looked up at Evan, and nodded, “a doctor will be right out, there’s the waiting room.”

Matt locked eyes with Shay as they walked over to the waiting room, where all of the House was sitting.

There was a silent message in her eyes.  
Not Now.

He nodded in acknowledgement. 

“Evan Severide?” A doctor called out.

Evan put his hand up.

“Is there anyone else you would like to here this information?”

Evan turned towards Shay, “Is this 51?”

Shay just nodded.

“Anything you tell me can be told to this room.” He paused. “Wait. Where’s Boden?”

At that Boden walked into the room. “Right here.”

“Is that it?” The doctor asked.

Evan nodded.

“Okay. So Lieutenant Severide has minimal damage to his spine. It could’ve gone a lot worse in retrospect. The only problems that occurred during is fall is he worsened a previous injury. According to his existing medical records a few months ago he came in for an x-ray showing he fractured his C5. During his fall the fracture worsened meaning we had to operate immediately. We do not know if he has any paralysis, and we will not find out till he wakes up.

Now for the Hard part. Mr Severide are you sure you want all these people to know.”

“You talking about the scars or the pills?” Evan said with worry.

“Both.” The doctor replied.

“The pills were for the pain. The scars are from a very long time ago.” He said.

The doctor looked uncertain before nodding and walking away.

There was an awkward atmosphere in the room before Herrman spoke up.

“Okay I appreciate you letting us in on what happened to Severide. But who the hell are you?”

That’s the question they all wanted to know.

Evan sighed uncomfortably.


	4. Chapter 4

____  
118  
——-

Everyone from the firehouse were gathered on the couches of the 118 plus Maddie.

“Okay so what just happened?” Hen spoke.

“We just lost Buck. That’s what happened.” Chimney answered sadly.

“Maddie.” Bobby said sternly. Obviously wanting an explanation. Oh didn’t they all.

“We didn’t tell you the truth.” She started

“Truth about what?” Eddie interrupted harshly.

“If you would let me finish.” Maddie replied coldly.

“Eddie. Don’t interrupt.” Bobby scolded. “Continue Maddie.”

“Right so, me and Buck are only half siblings. We have a lot of half siblings. Our father married alot. Anyway Buck was born in Chicago, I was born in Hershey, I moved to Chicago with my mother when he was born because she thought I should get to know my half brother’s.

I was born 2 years before my first half brother and Buck’s full brother Kelly Severide, in as you know Hershey.

Our father didn’t want to stay in Hershey so he moved back to Chicago, found another love and had Kelly.

Our father then left Kelly’s mother, had many other family’s leading to more half siblings. Then a one night stand 13 years after Kelly was born, with Kelly’s mother lead to the birth of Evan Buckley Severide.”

“Hang on wait, wait, wait. So Buck’s last name isn’t Buckley?” Hen butted in.

Maddie laughed a little, “Haha no, it’s his middle name.”

“Then why does he go by Buckley?” Chimney questioned.

“That, we will get to later on. Is that all?”

The 118 shook there heads.

“Ok. So I moved to Chicago when Buck was born, when I was 16, with my mother so I could get to know my brothers. Kelly was 14 at the time. I stayed in Chicago until Buck was 2 then went Back to Hershey for college. Me, Kelly & Buck face timed everynight, which is why I know Buck so well.

When Buck was 15. I stopped calling him because of well Doug.

When Buck was 16, I wasn’t here for this, but he overdosed. I still don’t actually know why he did it, so don’t ask.

At 17 he joined the CFD, 18 he graduated and was placed in a house. 19 he was placed on squad.-“

“What’s squad?” Eddie said with a hint of curiosity.

“Oh, in Chicago they have Engine, Truck & Squad. Engine which puts out the fires, Truck that does basically what you guys do, and squad which do more complex rescues, which they have been specifically trained for.”

Bobby made a noise of realisation, “So thats why Bucks always doing theses dare devil stunts.”

“Exactly. Anyway at 20 Buck became Lieutenant and was transferred to be Lieutenant on Squad 7 in Chicago. 23 he overdosed again, this time on pain meds because of an injury he kept hidden on the job. 6 months rehab and 3 months in he got sick of everyone asking how he was doing because of Andy Darden’s death because everyone thought he was close to Andy because he had the last name Severide. Buck was close to Andy but he didn’t want the questions.

He changed it to Buckley, not fully though. His drivers license and passport still say Severide as well as anything else important, but anything to do with Fire Departments, It’s Buckley.”

“Why does he use the name Buckley here? He’s not in Chicago.” Chimney asked.

Maddie answered, “I don’t actually know, but I assume it’s so his title as _youngest firefighter/youngest squad member/youngest lieutenant_ didn’t get thrown around. I would assume that the Chief knows though.”

“Who’s Andy Darden?” Hen questioned.

Maddie sighed, “He is-was Kelly’s best friend. One of the few people to know Buck existed. He uh, lost his life in the line of duty.”

“Oh I’m sorry.” Hen said apologetically

“Don’t be,” Maddie said, waving her hand dismissively, “I never knew him.”

An uneasy atmosphere fell over the firehouse.

“Right!” Maddie clapped her hands,”Where were we again? Oh that’s right, after his rehab he moved to LA and you know the rest up until now.”Maddie laughed nervously.

Every one sat in tense silence until Eddie broke the silence. “So, what about that girl?”

“And where did she go with Buck?” Hen added.

Maddie sighed. “That was Leslie Shay. She was one of the few Kelly told about Buck. She’s kinda Buck’s non-related sister. My guess is their going back to Chicago. Leslie said something about Kelly being in hospital.”

“Your brother’s in hospital?! You should go see him!” Hen exclaimed.

“Leslie made it clear she didn’t want me there and neither would Kelly, as well as the rest of their fire house.”

“Suit yourself.” Eddie said, walking towards the stairs of the loft, “I’m going to go get my best friend back.”

 _He was going to get his best friend back._ Maddie scoffed to herself as those words echoed through the firehouse. As if they were still best friends. They’re were all horrible and cruel towards Buck. Even herself. Even with the knowledge of what he’s been through. As if Buck wants them back. Well it’s more likely that they won’t be allowed within 50 metres of him.

Kelly will probably find a way to kick their asses from a hospital bed.

She found herself wondering _is it even worth it to get her brother back?_ No. No. She couldn’t think like that she loves her brothers. She would do anything for him. _What like she did when she left with Doug._ She wasn’t there when Buck needed her. But maybe she could be there for him now? That’s if he gives her another chance. God knows how many she’s wasted.

_She would be here for both her brothers this time, if given the chance._

  
__________

Chicago Med  
——————-

Boden stood up and walked to he was standing besides Buck. “This is Evan Severide, he is Severide’s younger brother. He goes by the name Buck. When we know that Kelly is going to make a full recovery, That’s right no If, Kelly WILL make a full recovery. Buck, here will be acting Lieutenant on squad 3. That with also be when his shoulder is healed. And no more questions.”

Buck just stood there awkwardly until Shay nudged his shoulder for him to sit down.

Sitting down on the closest chair, Buck tried to ignore the eyes on him and the sinking feeling in is stomach. He wasn’t sure why he was feeling like this. Kelly would be fine. He always was. So he would be fine. _Right?_

 _Kelly is fine._ Buck repeated this phrase like a mantra in his head. _Kelly was going to be okay. He had to be._

He was distantly aware of the fact he was clenching his fists. He just wasn’t aware how hard until he felt Shay take one of his hands (the one that wasn’t in the sling) and slowly open it.

He looked down to see his palms had crescent moons dug into them, with little specks of blood around and in them.

His hands started shaking. He leaned back against the chair, his head rested against the wall behind him, and he closed his eyes and started bouncing his leg.   
  
He felt Shay take his hand in her own. _Everything would be okay._ He hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ages  
> ____  
> Evan Buckley Severide-25  
> Kelly Severide-39  
> Maddie Buckley-42 (she got together with Doug when she was 22, Doug only started being a dick when Maddie was 30. She got away from him when she was 35, spent 3 years running and travelling the world, spent a year in LA before she realised Buck had recently moved there and spent the next 3 years there with him.)
> 
> And I’ll explain the thing with Maddie’s last name being Buckley and Buck’s Middle name being Buckley in one of the next few chapters
> 
> Also if I didn’t make it clear, when they find out if Kelly is gonna be okay (which he might not be) Buck will be acting Lieutenant but only if Kelly is gonna be okay.


	5. Chapter 5

Sitting-waiting, was never Buck’s strong suit. He can’t remember a time where he was ever still. Well he can-but those are memories he would rather forget.

He had his leg bouncing up and down and he had a deathly grip on Shay’s hand. He would’ve had his other hand in Kelly’s but it was still snug in a sling.

The doctor- Will Halstead, he vaguely remembers- let them into Kelly’s room not too long ago. The name, seemed familiar but Buck had no time to dwell on it as he was worried about his brother. Dr Halstead, He said something about this not being aloud but he made an exception as they were his family. The 51 seemed to know the doctor well.

It seemed Kelly had a family here. A real one. Not like the 118. One that wouldn’t leave him, no matter the injury, no matter the problem. A family who wouldn’t leave the first chance they could. And part of him ached for Kelly’s spot. He would give anything to be his brother. His brother got everything Buck ever wanted. A family.

Buck wasn’t entirely sure what he was going to do if Kelly woke up and had paralysis. Kelly would be beyond devastated. Much like Buck, Kelly was nothing without firefighting. Buck wouldn’t exactly word it like that, but that’s what he always told Buck. Firefighting was just who they are. It made up who they were. For them, it wasn’t just a job, it was their life.

No one ever believed him when he said that he was nothing without firefighting. No one but Kelly. Kelly understood-understands him, because Kelly feels the same.

They had no friends outside of work, and if they did, it was very few. Because who needs friends? Is he right? Nope. No. Definitely not. Don’t need friends. Friends say they have your back, they stay for a little while, then turn around and stab you in the back.

Unlike Kelly, Buck made friends relatively easily. He always did. Making friends was never the hard part. Maybe it was his looks, or maybe it was his personality. But as he said, making friends was never his problem. No. The problem was, they always seemed to leave for some reason or another.

Kelly always had problems making friends. Buck would chalk that up to his attitude problems and his hot-head. He always seemed to push away those close to him, prevent attachments growing. If anyone got past his barriers, they became his friends. It was an easy way to test who was a real friends or not. But then something would happen, he would shut everyone and everything out, throw himself into work, hurt himself, anything to avoid the harsh reality. He then, without meaning to, hurts those closest to him, hurting himself in the process. No one sees what’s going on and then by the time Kelly’s closed himself off, he won’t let anyone in. He doesn’t allow them to. His brother always found life easier and more bareable without friends. 

Kelly always told Buck whenever he had asked Kelly why he didn’t have any friends, “If you don’t let anyone in, no one can hurt you.” Buck always kept that advice close because, it’s not a bad piece of advice, shitty way to live, but overall not a horrendous idea.

Looking around at the room of supportive co-workers, Kelly had finally lowered his walls. But then again, had he really? He hid a major injury from those he trusted. Did he trust them that much if he hid an injury from him. Then, also the 51 were still there for him despite the fact he hid an injury. The 118 would’ve given him the disappointed eyes, and knowing Captain Nash he probably would’ve fired him for it.

It was nice to know Kelly had people looking out for him. Not that it was Buck’s job to look out for his older brother, but it was nice.

Anyway, now it’s back to the harsh reality that find them where they currently are, sitting on cold, hard plastic chairs while they wait for Kelly to wake up, find out the damage done to his body. Dread the talk that’s no doubt going to happen between himself, Kelly and Shay, no matter what condition Kelly’s in. Wait for the inevitable problems that are going to happen, because they’re Severide’s, there going to fight, going to not make it up to each other, until someone gets hurt. 

It’s bound to happen. There’s a reason why he left Chicago, well besides an injury. He made mistakes in Chicago. He fucked up. So he did what he could. He ran, he ran all the way to LA, leaving Chicago in the dust, changing his last name to make it not impossible but harder for those he once loved-those he still loves-to find him. 

It’s why he was so determined to redeem himself to the 118. He never got the chance to do that here, in Chicago. He ran from them-his problems. He wasn’t that same person though. He had changed. He wasn’t the kid who fucked up in LA. I mean, sure he did at first, but he grew. 

Buck’s not sure why Boden is willing to give him Kelly’s spot as Lieutenant on Squad 3 (when his shoulder heals) until   
Kelly’s healed. Boden just accepted him like it was no big deal-with no hesitation.

How Boden was just willing to accept him in 51 was beyond him, when his own captain wouldn’t let him back.

The only problem with being in Chicago though, it was facing his demons. He was going to run into those he’s tried so hard to avoid. If he’s lucky, he might even get the chance to make amends.

Buck let a small smile slip onto his face, despite the circumstances. The thought of getting a second chance scared him, but knowing he had one....that the universe was giving him one...that’s something to be happy for.

Suddenly the soft steady beating in the room is increasing and Buck’s brought out of his head, eyes focused solely on Kelly, the only person who matters in his world in this given second.

He doesn’t need to look around the room to know everyone is one the edge of their seats, eyes narrowed in on his older brother.

He watches and squeezes Shay’s hand every tighter, if that’s even possible, as his brothers eyes flutter open, unfocused, glassy eyes, showing a slit of blue, as his gaze is directed at the roof.

“Evan?” He whispers in a croaky voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry it took so long to update 🥺

**Author's Note:**

> This work is inspired by the series Evan Buckley-Severide by BuckyAndDanno I suggest you read it :)
> 
> This is marked complete but I may write more chapters


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